Dear Sarah

Or may I call you "Governor" seeing as that is the title that the majority of your fellow Americans decided that you should retain?

Oh yes, I know about the "Senator" scenario. We all do. It is just that, should you yield to the temptation offered by that scenario, a relationship already fraught with irreconcilable differences would pass breaking point. It would head for a bridge to nowhere, if you will.

We cannot be together anymore. It would be best if we agreed that you return to Alaska, and do all of that wonderful work we have heard so much about, even if we had some trouble believing it.

I know that perhaps now you are feeling some sense of rejection. Or at least, most of us hope that you are. Go back to Alaska, to the good people there, no doubt the kind of people that you regard as "pro-America" as unfortunate as it is that you have besmirched the honour that should attach to that term. No doubt they are pro-America, apart from the pro-Alaska independence ones, in whose ranks you reportedly used to number.

Truth is that few could have any doubt that John McCain and Barack Obama both are pro-America, as are very many of us who do not share that citizenship, who respect America for the great country it is and will continue to be notwithstanding the ravages of people like George Bush (could you take him to Alaska with you? I suspect that at the White House right now, he's rather like the slightly potty aunt roaming a dim-lit wing somewhere).

On the day of what should be your political eclipse, the shining light was the sobriety, dignity and nobility of the speeches given by Obama and McCain. We do not want to sense the dark shadow of your further ambitions.

Oh, and lest anyone see this Dear John to you as sexism, may one only say how frightfully funny, and a little bit sad, it is when right-wingers suddenly raise up the cries of sexism that they would scorn were they to come from those they would see as politically-correct left-wingers.

That's all for now, and forever. No one would want to keep you from getting to the airport and home. It's been fun, but it's time even for Saturday Night Live to move on.

Yours

The rest of the world